I’d like to reward all my loyal readers with a chance to win the iPad 3000! Featuring a holographic, 4D display with a synaptic interface, the iPad 3000 is sure to blow everybody’s mind. Just tell me how awesome I am, tell your friends how awesome I am, tweet about me, write about this competition in your Facebook status, create a Youtube video telling me why you want to win one of these beauties, drive traffic to my blog, and leave a comment with a valid email address! When the iPad 3000 is released sometime in the 51st century, I’ll pick a winner.

Good luck to all! And thanks for reading. No really, thanks.

The world's top 1 percent of wealthy people are being discriminated against! Let's band together and fight for the rights of wealthy citizens without whose economic and philanthropic contributions, the world will be a poorer place.

The fact of the matter is, not everybody on this planet can live in a mansion, drive a Ferrari, and eat caviar every night. The world's resources are finite and such a lavish lifestyle is unsustainable. So why begrudge the rich for being stewards of our limited resources? Due to their hard work or inheritance, these people have been given the arduous task of managing vast financial empires that reach into every aspect of our lives. Do the sheep begrudge the shepherds? No! Nor should those who live lives that are nasty, brutish and short discriminate out of feelings of fear and envy.

This is a call for the wealthy to band together and occupy the poorest neighbourhoods in Vancouver. We plan for a march through the Downtown Eastside and a peaceful occupation of tent cities where the non-tax-paying homeless languish with idle hands.

If you are in the top 1 percent, contact me to discuss where to send your financial contribution to this worthy cause! With your considerable fund-raising clout, we can be sure to raise more than enough to generate a marketing campaign and spark a new social movement to counter the rampant discrimination souring the reputation of the world's most noble citizens.

LOL! Come on people.

]]> http://wordbit.freehostia.com/boston-bruins-fan-in-vancouver/feed/ 0 http://wordbit.freehostia.com/hilarious-job-ad/ http://wordbit.freehostia.com/hilarious-job-ad/#comments Mon, 28 Mar 2011 20:54:09 +0000 http://wordbit.freehostia.com/hilarious-job-ad/ This is a real job posting. I appreciate the brute honesty because it doesn’t sound like a job I’d be that interested in. But some sicko might be. And yes, they actually are looking for a “sicko”:

We want to add some talent to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune investigative team. Every serious candidate should have a proven track record of conceiving, reporting and writing stellar investigative pieces that provoke change. However, our ideal candidate has also cursed out an editor, had spokespeople hang up on them in anger and threatened to resign at least once because some fool wanted to screw around with their perfect lede.

We do a mix of quick hit investigative work when events call for it and mini-projects that might run for a few days. But every year we like to put together a project way too ambitious for a paper our size because we dream that one day Walt Bogdanich will have to say: “I can’t believe the Sarasota Whatever-Tribune cost me my 20^th Pulitzer.” As many of you already know, those kinds of projects can be hellish, soul-sucking, doubt-inducing affairs. But if you’re the type of sicko who likes holing up in a tiny, closed  office with reporters of questionable hygiene to build databases from scratch by hand-entering thousands of pages of documents to take on powerful people and institutions that wish you were dead, all for the glorious reward of having readers pick up the paper and glance at your potential prize-winning epic as they flip their way to the Jumble… well, if that sounds like journalism Heaven, then you’re our kind of sicko.

For those unaware of Florida’s reputation, it’s arguably the best news state in the country and not just because of the great public records laws. We have all kinds of corruption, violence and scumbaggery. The 9/11 terrorists trained here. Bush read My Pet Goat here. Our elections are colossal clusterfucks. Our new governor once ran a health care company that got hit with a record fine because of rampant Medicare fraud. We have hurricanes, wildfires, tar balls, bedbugs, diseased citrus trees and an entire town overrun by giant roaches (only one of those things is made up). And we have Disney World and beaches, so bring the whole family.

Send questions, or a resume/cover letter/links to clips to my email address below. If you already have your dream job, please pass this along to someone whose skills you covet. Thanks.

Matthew Doig

Sarasota Herald-Tribune
1741 Main St.
Sarasota FL, 34236
(941) 361-4903
matthew.doig@heraldtribune.com

Source: A few tasteful snaps ]]> http://wordbit.freehostia.com/hilarious-job-ad/feed/ 0 http://wordbit.freehostia.com/why-havent-we-finished-our-novel/ http://wordbit.freehostia.com/why-havent-we-finished-our-novel/#comments Mon, 28 Mar 2011 18:58:48 +0000 http://wordbit.freehostia.com/why-havent-we-finished-our-novel/

via theonion.com

I’ve started numerous novels, and never gotten very far. I think I just end up disliking the main character. Sigh. We’ll see how far I get with my next project.